Randomness

Having bouts of depression, mainly from having SO many job rejections suck. I'm not sure if it has to do with my being shy, or if they see I only have limited skills as I've had only seasonal and temporary jobs, or if it was because of Kohl's one day stint (in which they lied and said we would work all through the holiday) or if it's because I can't work past 10 p.m. (buses), but it's taken it's toll on me physically and emotionally. My memory hasn't been as good and I have days where I just feel really down. I just want the Universe to be good to me, so I can finally have a job again. (Though I sometimes feel like I'm being punished or I'm just this bad person because I used to be so negative and angry in 2010 and 2011. I since stopped because it just wasn't healthy.)

Jennifer Nettles posted this quote to her Twitter a few days ago, and it rang true to what I'm going through: ""How people treat you is their karma. How you react is yours." -Wayne Dyer Night Night......,"". WOW. See, my aunt is a jealous and just downright hateful person, so Karma will kick her butt soon and my uncle just allowed it because he cannot stick up for himself. Again, Karma will take care of that. As for ME? Well, I'm just gonna live my life as if they never were apart of my it. It's harsh, but we have had many hungry days while living in La Quinta and they never called us. They didn't call us on holidays or give us a present. Hell, my uncle never even called me on my birthday this year. The best Karma I'm going to give them is to just be happy, love everyone, and live my life without them. How do you like THEM apples?

It still bothers me that I gave up so much-a job, school, my cat (that I miss SO much), most of my possessions for nothing. I was preparing to return back to school. My mom had gotten a raise and things were starting to look up. I lost almost FOUR years of my life because of my aunt's selfish ways. And then she wonders why she doesn't have many friends or why people don't like her. It's her negative attitude and possessive ways.

As for Kohl's, it really bothered me when they got my and 25 others hopes up. See, they said we would work all through the holidays and since there's no real online job description of a "Friends and Family Associate", which is what they called us, we believed it. (And trust me, I had to look it up!) Had I known it was only a job for Black Friday, I would have kept my other appointment. I pray that this isn't the reason I can't find a job. (I call this job "Black Friday Associate". It's not lying as it's really that.)

Honestly, if it weren't for Jennifer Nettles and Sugarland, I would be an entirely different person and I probably would have... never mind. Sugarland is the best thing to ever happen to me. They made the long, hungry, depression filled days so much better. Their music made me smile when I didn't want to smile. And the people I met became a second family to me and they never judged me on decisions I have made. In fact, on July 5, I went out to lunch with two ladies who live close to me and it was just what the doctor ordered. I had a great time with them and look forward to doing it again someday.

I wish I could work as a roadie for Jennifer and for Sugarland. (Perfect job!) It'll be a good way of giving back and saying thanks. Dreams do come true! :)