Yes, I'm black, and yes, I love country music!

I completely, hopelessly adore country music. As a black girl growing up in the 90s, it seems like I was expected to like rap and hip-hop. Not I said the fly. I've always been a little different from my peers. I never did care for rap music, except for a good handful of artists, such as Eminem and Nelly. I also liked the occasional rap song from some random rap artist, but I digress. My thing was bubblegum pop, such as 'N Sync, B*Witched, The Spice Girls, The Backstreet Boys, Britney, Christina, BBMak and many others. However, these bands and singers never really inspired me much. They inspired me to be myself in a sense because I was the only black girl in my middle school to like 'N Sync AND be open about it. But other than that? I just enjoyed their music.

As I grew older, I was one of those "I like all genres of music except country music and heavy metal and rap!" people on social media, despite the fact the occasional country song was played on the two radio stations I listened to. (And I liked said songs, funnily enough.) I retracted that statement a little bit later because how could I judge a genre I've never listened to? Naturally, I thought it was about losing your job, your dog dying, and your girlfriend or wife cheating on you with your brother. Little did I know, I was dead wrong, and little did I know a certain band would forever change my life and my perspective of the genre.

It was January 2009. I was on YouTube (before Google took over), and I happened to go onto my friend's page, and I saw she had favorited about 6 or 7 music videos by this band called Sugarland. It piqued my curiosity, so I clicked on the video for Baby Girl. I thought the song the really cute, especially the line: "Well, I love you more than anything in the world, love your baby girl." At the time, I was looking for new music, so I watched a few more videos and enjoyed those as well. Then, I played the video for All I Want To Do. I don't know why, but in the second verse, Jennifer does this little dance with her dress while Kristian fanned himself and shook his head... that somehow pulled me into the group, but it was mainly their music. It was really good!

I spend February occasionally listening to them more, but early March, I had a falling out with my friend. She temporarily ceased contact with me, and I would listen to Sugarland to help me remember her and all the good times we had. I discovered their other songs and in early April, I purchased Love on the Inside, and listened to it on my way home from class. Totally fell in love with the album and the group even more. I used to watch (or listen to, rather) the soft rock station on Music Choice while sleeping or when I wasn't watching TV. I turned right to the Today's Country station. And while waiting for a Sugarland song to play, I discovered something.

I discovered I do love country music. All the songs were just really fun and catchy with a great beat.

Randomness

Having bouts of depression, mainly from having SO many job rejections suck. I'm not sure if it has to do with my being shy, or if they see I only have limited skills as I've had only seasonal and temporary jobs, or if it was because of Kohl's one day stint (in which they lied and said we would work all through the holiday) or if it's because I can't work past 10 p.m. (buses), but it's taken it's toll on me physically and emotionally. My memory hasn't been as good and I have days where I just feel really down. I just want the Universe to be good to me, so I can finally have a job again. (Though I sometimes feel like I'm being punished or I'm just this bad person because I used to be so negative and angry in 2010 and 2011. I since stopped because it just wasn't healthy.)

Jennifer Nettles posted this quote to her Twitter a few days ago, and it rang true to what I'm going through: ""How people treat you is their karma. How you react is yours." -Wayne Dyer Night Night......,"". WOW. See, my aunt is a jealous and just downright hateful person, so Karma will kick her butt soon and my uncle just allowed it because he cannot stick up for himself. Again, Karma will take care of that. As for ME? Well, I'm just gonna live my life as if they never were apart of my it. It's harsh, but we have had many hungry days while living in La Quinta and they never called us. They didn't call us on holidays or give us a present. Hell, my uncle never even called me on my birthday this year. The best Karma I'm going to give them is to just be happy, love everyone, and live my life without them. How do you like THEM apples?

It still bothers me that I gave up so much-a job, school, my cat (that I miss SO much), most of my possessions for nothing. I was preparing to return back to school. My mom had gotten a raise and things were starting to look up. I lost almost FOUR years of my life because of my aunt's selfish ways. And then she wonders why she doesn't have many friends or why people don't like her. It's her negative attitude and possessive ways.

As for Kohl's, it really bothered me when they got my and 25 others hopes up. See, they said we would work all through the holidays and since there's no real online job description of a "Friends and Family Associate", which is what they called us, we believed it. (And trust me, I had to look it up!) Had I known it was only a job for Black Friday, I would have kept my other appointment. I pray that this isn't the reason I can't find a job. (I call this job "Black Friday Associate". It's not lying as it's really that.)

Honestly, if it weren't for Jennifer Nettles and Sugarland, I would be an entirely different person and I probably would have... never mind. Sugarland is the best thing to ever happen to me. They made the long, hungry, depression filled days so much better. Their music made me smile when I didn't want to smile. And the people I met became a second family to me and they never judged me on decisions I have made. In fact, on July 5, I went out to lunch with two ladies who live close to me and it was just what the doctor ordered. I had a great time with them and look forward to doing it again someday.

I wish I could work as a roadie for Jennifer and for Sugarland. (Perfect job!) It'll be a good way of giving back and saying thanks. Dreams do come true! :)